Just Has to Happen

Sophie is so unbelievably close to being done with this seizure stuff. This week she has had a fraction of the seizures she was having per week. She has blossomed in front of my eyes. On Christmas, she laughed for the first time in MONTHS. She just rolls all around. Rolls and sits, and then rolls somewhere else and sits. She is so interested. In life. In Matthew. In her toys. She has started fighting sleep. Usually, I would moan and whine, but for her to even care enough about something to lose sleep over it is just AMAZING to me! I love it. I'm thrilled. I'm thankful.

For some reason, and while it may be provincial, I'm not yet quite sure it is the "VOICE OF GOD", it's just an intense desire. I want her off of Topomax. It's her last drug. They halved her dose a couple of months ago, and I just want to be rid of it. It's just not letting go of me, this desire. Monday I am calling to beg our nurse for permission to try. You have to get permission because of insurance, and mostly because it's not really a good idea to go AMA. Mostly that. I just wish I had some other reason than, "I don't really know why, it's a hunch, and all I really have to say, I just really really really think we need to try this". I just don't have much more than that. I'm totally okay with eating my words if I'm wrong, if it's a mistake, I am. I just want to try. Now.

It doesn't shock me that the more Sophie catches up on her development, the more I want to see her walk. She is so beautiful. I don't know why this means SO SO much to me. I just need to see her walk. I NEED to know she wont be one of those kids in a wheelchair. I have no idea what other obstacles are going to be in her path, but she will walk. Until she does, I have no idea how I'm going to stay calm. I'm sure I'll find a way. I just have to see her walk. It has to happen. It just has to happen. Oh please, God, give her walking.