I haven't had the privilege of knowing any southern baptists that were a bit, um, up in the years before working with a couple of them these past 2 years. But since I've had this pleasure, I've noticed that they are just.... polite. As people, we just have this unction to please people, to be polite. It is a way of showing love but in a non commital, non showy way. You are a stranger, but I don't hate you, and as a way of showing my respect for you being a person, just like me, I'll be polite. It is an act of love. I'm real big on manners. I'm not Miss Manners. I don't care if you do something a particular way, but I can tell when strangers are showing other strangers love or hate. However they accomplish that doesn't really matter.
Here is my new favorite phrase. Well, um, first, let me say, that while I admire manners, I INSIST on authenticity. Be as much the real you as you can, all the time. I have no single clue why I think this is vital to human existence, I just do. So, my favorite phrase; bless his heart.
What an amazingly polite and authentic way of saying, "I can't stand that bastard."
Friday, May 23, 2008
Monday, May 19, 2008
Haven't been writing...
I have actually be avoiding writing because....
Oh Come On. Surely you can guess...
I've been afraid. Shame shame.
I really don't have much to write about. Warren and I got in an fight this weekend. I'm not mentioning it because I am so traumatized and all that, but because it was such a singular experience. We never fight. We banter, we disagree, we argue, we ignore, we pretend, but we. do. not. ever. fight. This isn't due to our amazing ability to love one another so wholly we cant bring ourselves to scream. Nope. All the credit goes to my dear husband. He just never goes there. I do, pretty often, go there a handful of times a year. I never get too carried away though because he just starts ignoring me until I can talk about the issue like a human instead of a screaming she-ape. But his shell cracked. I think it has been weakening for some time anyway. He is becoming more emotionally fit, so to speak, and when you do that, you get angry when before you might have repressed it. But the shell cracking was my fault. I hit him. Right in the bicep. Good thing for me (not anyone else) that I was holding Matthew because my dear husband lost it. And then so did I. And then so did Matthew. That was how we got the thing resolved. We still haven't worked out the issue, but we sure as hell figured out a way to not fight like that anymore. Matthew was Traumatized. It ruined his whole weekend. Terrible.
However, Warren is pretty great about working through things. We aren't perfect at it, but we do try to not be mad at one another for very long. So we tried to work it out. And we concluded that we need to see a counselor. Which RELIVES me. In the best way. Warren is so less than excited about it, but my goodness, what a testament to the man that he is willing to try just because I want him to. I've got a good one.
For you twilighters who will know what Im talking about, I fully agree with Stephanie Meyer (in an interview I watched). There just is no such thing as an Edward. They don't exist except as a standard in our head's to make all other men fail by. There are, however, Jacob's. Yes, immature and imperfect, but willing and devoted. Ladies, let it be known. I have a Jacob.
Oh Come On. Surely you can guess...
I've been afraid. Shame shame.
I really don't have much to write about. Warren and I got in an fight this weekend. I'm not mentioning it because I am so traumatized and all that, but because it was such a singular experience. We never fight. We banter, we disagree, we argue, we ignore, we pretend, but we. do. not. ever. fight. This isn't due to our amazing ability to love one another so wholly we cant bring ourselves to scream. Nope. All the credit goes to my dear husband. He just never goes there. I do, pretty often, go there a handful of times a year. I never get too carried away though because he just starts ignoring me until I can talk about the issue like a human instead of a screaming she-ape. But his shell cracked. I think it has been weakening for some time anyway. He is becoming more emotionally fit, so to speak, and when you do that, you get angry when before you might have repressed it. But the shell cracking was my fault. I hit him. Right in the bicep. Good thing for me (not anyone else) that I was holding Matthew because my dear husband lost it. And then so did I. And then so did Matthew. That was how we got the thing resolved. We still haven't worked out the issue, but we sure as hell figured out a way to not fight like that anymore. Matthew was Traumatized. It ruined his whole weekend. Terrible.
However, Warren is pretty great about working through things. We aren't perfect at it, but we do try to not be mad at one another for very long. So we tried to work it out. And we concluded that we need to see a counselor. Which RELIVES me. In the best way. Warren is so less than excited about it, but my goodness, what a testament to the man that he is willing to try just because I want him to. I've got a good one.
For you twilighters who will know what Im talking about, I fully agree with Stephanie Meyer (in an interview I watched). There just is no such thing as an Edward. They don't exist except as a standard in our head's to make all other men fail by. There are, however, Jacob's. Yes, immature and imperfect, but willing and devoted. Ladies, let it be known. I have a Jacob.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
It Might Seem Ridiculous
It Might Seem Ridiculous that I have a whole lot to say, but when I write down the perfect comment, or try to post the perfect blog on myspace, I reread everything and then hit "Cancel" almost all the time.
And I just dont like that. Why is what I have to say so insignificant to myself? If it is too small for me, how can it possibly be big enough for anyone else? And this is the Key. I want to write. I love writing. But I have zero confidence in myself to pull off writing. I would LOVE to get paid to write. I have so many opinions, and most of them are strong and perhaps wrong. They are so strong, I know they will make people mad, and at this time in my life, I am terrified of making people mad. I do, however, wish, at some point, not to care. I want not to care, because sometimes I think my opinions are right, and because they are right, they deserved to be published, to move people into right understanding. I realize how arrogant this sounds, and self righteous, and I guess I'll never get away from the fact that it is, but some of these ideas are more important than my ego. Like abortion, or sin, or love, or having fun in life, or how wives should treat their husbands, or pet ownership, or demonic attack.
Now try this on for size. These opinions that I hold so strongly to, I expect to abandon some, none, all of them in a month, a day, 6 years. I expect that today I will write on my love for Lobster, and then the next I will tell you how unclean shellfish is, and then the next tell you again about how much I love shrimp. This is another part of myself I am just going to stop being shameful about. I am wildly inconsistent. And I dont know why. But I believe there is a Holy Spirit working to transform me, so maybe that part will get ironed out or more exaggerated. Let me not pretend to know what the Spirit is doing, unless of course He has clearly written it in Scripture. (ie, I know I am being transformed, I just don't know how or into who specifically)
So, that is the point of this little project. To put down my thoughts. They are very varied. In one blog, I expect to be hailed at the world's most close minded "hypochristian", and in another, I expect to be proclaimed as the world's craziest Heretic. Let me assure you though, to expect also some simpler topics from me. I am young, very young, so I have not had the advantage of experience to fuel many of my opinions, so they remain green. But I will try and be confident about them none the less because even green opinions count. So, the point of this blog is to practice writing, practice taking something inanimate(ideas) and making it concrete(an essay). Ah, the magic.
Now, a little disclaimer. Lets not expect perfect wisdom on the worlds biggest problems. Often I will just jot down how I feel about anything, and that might include goldfish. Im not pretending that I will be so riveting. The above is really just my mission statement, a way to bolster my confidence to just WRITE.
And I just dont like that. Why is what I have to say so insignificant to myself? If it is too small for me, how can it possibly be big enough for anyone else? And this is the Key. I want to write. I love writing. But I have zero confidence in myself to pull off writing. I would LOVE to get paid to write. I have so many opinions, and most of them are strong and perhaps wrong. They are so strong, I know they will make people mad, and at this time in my life, I am terrified of making people mad. I do, however, wish, at some point, not to care. I want not to care, because sometimes I think my opinions are right, and because they are right, they deserved to be published, to move people into right understanding. I realize how arrogant this sounds, and self righteous, and I guess I'll never get away from the fact that it is, but some of these ideas are more important than my ego. Like abortion, or sin, or love, or having fun in life, or how wives should treat their husbands, or pet ownership, or demonic attack.
Now try this on for size. These opinions that I hold so strongly to, I expect to abandon some, none, all of them in a month, a day, 6 years. I expect that today I will write on my love for Lobster, and then the next I will tell you how unclean shellfish is, and then the next tell you again about how much I love shrimp. This is another part of myself I am just going to stop being shameful about. I am wildly inconsistent. And I dont know why. But I believe there is a Holy Spirit working to transform me, so maybe that part will get ironed out or more exaggerated. Let me not pretend to know what the Spirit is doing, unless of course He has clearly written it in Scripture. (ie, I know I am being transformed, I just don't know how or into who specifically)
So, that is the point of this little project. To put down my thoughts. They are very varied. In one blog, I expect to be hailed at the world's most close minded "hypochristian", and in another, I expect to be proclaimed as the world's craziest Heretic. Let me assure you though, to expect also some simpler topics from me. I am young, very young, so I have not had the advantage of experience to fuel many of my opinions, so they remain green. But I will try and be confident about them none the less because even green opinions count. So, the point of this blog is to practice writing, practice taking something inanimate(ideas) and making it concrete(an essay). Ah, the magic.
Now, a little disclaimer. Lets not expect perfect wisdom on the worlds biggest problems. Often I will just jot down how I feel about anything, and that might include goldfish. Im not pretending that I will be so riveting. The above is really just my mission statement, a way to bolster my confidence to just WRITE.
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