Hard things

I had to tell a friend a really hard thing yesterday. It did not go well. I'm praying so hard for soft hearts and wisdom (for both of us!). It was just not a pretty thing with me being pretty bad at this kind of thing and him not fully understanding what I was trying to say or not fully accepting what I was trying to say.

I did learn a lot of things yesterday, however. I wished I had expressed more of my concern for him instead of the ministry, so that he didn't feel like I was concerned for me. Because my feelings aren't hurt at all. In fact, we worked really hard on that front weeks ago, and I thought we made a lot of process. I didn't realize that his feelings may have been hurt in the process. I learned that even if they think they can, people don't want to be confronted and it really hurts, no matter what they say, and it must always be done in person so as to fully communicate with words and body language. Because I know my words were hard, but he couldn't see the love or concern in my eyes. I was trying to warn him and he felt like I was trying to pick him apart.

I know I didn't present this perfectly (or even close), but that doesn't mean that there wasn't a really scary issue. There is. However imperfect I am in delivery doesn't mean that he isn't still about to walk into a pit. I'm scared for my friend. I'm scared I might have made it worse.

It is my sincerest hope that I am not being overly critical of him, and it is my sincerest hope that I am not being divisive. I know that even though one desires not to be something doesn't mean they are not that very something. Even still, I truly am worried for my friend. He has such a massive, beautiful calling. How couldn't he be the object of attack? I just hope I didn't facilitate that attack in my "warning". But again, I don't believe that means he shouldn't have been warned.

Lord, I love you. LORD. I want your first. Fill me with fear as to not move out of your boundaries.