Absent

So, I have this new picture for how my spiritual walk has been and where its going. Its weird. It feels weird to see how things are and were that I couldn't see before. "Hey, I've been wearing purple all day. Shouldn't I have known that before now?"

So I got hired on this this pretty amazing company. Lets think, something like Google, top company in the world to work for (not Google, my figurative one). I'm nothing special, just a receptionist. "Hi, thanks for calling The Church. How can I help you?" Take messages, make copies, ya know, do my part. Its a freakin' great company too, amazing benefits. The whole sha-bang, daycare, insurance, company cars, vacation, 401k, etc. And the CEO, Jesus, is supposed to be just a really great guy. First of all, all these benefits are his idea. He gives a ridiculous amount of money and resources to charities. He cares about the environment, implements environmentally safe practices, all that stuff. I've never met him. He works on the top floor, I work on the second floor. My job almost doesn't impact him at all. I mean, like I said, great guy, he would care how employee "D" feels about her job, but I don't feel like he knows me from Adam. I mean, he knows my name, but not me. He's busy, ya know? It's in some book somewhere, he'll check it when I retire. I do my job to help out the company, I do my thing, I'm happy to contribute. I know I'm a part of a good thing, but I'm a worker-bee. I don't care to get promoted to Billy Graham status on the second to top floor or whatever, just want to do my part.

That is how I have felt about my Christian experience. I was never displeased with that at all. I'm cool with that. Plus, have you heard about the retirement benefits? Even for receptionists? Off the chain. Fo' sho'.

So here is the hitch. I've been reading the company manual, ya know, I've been working there for something like 7 years. I figured I should get around to that. Should have done it when I got hired, blah blah blah, I know, but Im doing it now, and it wasn't a condition for employment, so whatever. Yeah. Whatever.... So, if I had read this thing, I would have known that when becoming an employee, you gain a spouse. You become the bride of the CEO. Yes, that's right. You have to marry Jesus.

*switch to the real life gear* I've known about the Bridal Paradigm for some time now, but it's been in the last couple of weeks that the implications of that statement are hitting me. For those who are unfamiliar, there are no sexual connections, so get your mind out of the gutter. But Jesus' goal is to know me and be known by me better than my husband or best friend. What does that MEAN!? *switching back to weird analogy*

So I have to marry this super corporate guy. I mean, good guy, great reputation, supposed to be a really funny, interesting, challenging person. Sweet, gentle, powerful. Who wouldn't want to marry a guy like that. But I was not wired to marry a stranger. Especially a stranger I work for. No way Jose, or Jesus, whatever. Sure enough, I bring this up to another lady I work with, who, of course, has read this stupid book (stupid because now I'm embarrassed). She says all ya gotta do is take the elevator and walk right into his office and chat with him to get to know him. Sounds simple, but AWKWARD.

And she warns me. For whatever reason, in this perfect company, on every floor there are scouts. Scouts for other companies. I've seem them and told them to get lost. They claim you don't have to work as hard for their company, but if you press them, you find out that you never get to retire. Never. Hellish, I know. I tell them to buzz off, mostly they are just trying to distract me, I know. But there has been talk. There was this guy on the 34th floor. I can't imagine the work it takes to get to the 34th floor, sacrifice! Anyway, 34th floor guy just up and walked out one day with one of these guys. I couldn't believe it! I don't know much about the 34th floor, but I know about these guys. They are tough, and persistent, but if you tell them to go away they will. Security is pretty good around this place. I run into them all the time on the elevator. They pretty much leave my floor alone, but the elevator is another story. It's odd because you dont have to fight them to get on, you can, and they usually win. I've seen people just never get to work, stay in the lobby, of course, but hello, there is a job to do! Anyway, if you just tell them you will call security they politely step aside. Well, not politely, they usually give you a handful of sass, but harmless for the most part.

Anyway, so now I know all I have to do is just take the elevator up, deal with the scout that is trying to convince me I don't deserve to go up, or he has a better offer, or just flat out lie and tell me the elevator is broken. It's amazing, bunch of liars. But I know I can, says so in the manual.

Well, I finally got the guts to try the other day. Nothing to be afraid of, I guess, but it is still scary. I hop on the elevator, tell the scout to shut his trap, I'm in really good with the guard, Dave. That does the trick. Step out onto the top floor, and there isn't even a door to the guys office. The top floor is his office. And he is just standing there like we had a meeting scheduled. I look down at my feet, check my nails, fix my glasses. This is ridiculous. He isn't saying anything, he is just looking at me. Do I have a booger?

After a minute I figure out I have to talk first, even though he seems to know what's going on, I mean, why wouldn't he? He is supposed to be pretty good at his job. "So, I know I should have read the company manual when I got hired, but I didn't until now" "I'm glad your reading it, what do you think?"

What do I think? Um, I've been an employee for 7 years dude, shouldn't you be, I dunno, pissed? Guess I get to slip this fact by him.

"I think, it's, um. Long."

"Yes. What else?"

"It's very well written" That is kind of a lie.

"Oh, thank you. What else?"

Oh please don't make me bring up the marriage thing. I just wanted to see if that lady was lying, I don't want to talk about "our nuptials". I start sweating.

He waits.

I know I could leave, but I've read most of that darn book and it really is mostly about our relationship as, um, a team. Which is so the wrong word. I could be on the same team as this guy, heck, I AM on the same team as this guy. Relationship as a, as a..... as a.. marriage. Weird.

He is still waiting, which I think on the oddness of that for a split second before blurting, "Well don't you think it is ridiculous that you have printed on damn near every page that we are getting married! I don't even know you!"

Oh shit. I've heard of what this guy does to the scouts who don't follow the rules. They pretty much blow up. And I just gave him a piece of my mind that shouldn't really be there anyway. I mean, marrying him might be weird, but I can't imagine it would be that bad. There have definitely been worse marriages arranged. What am I doing? I should just go down stairs and answer the phone. Who is covering for me anyway? I'll be lucky if he doesn't fire me. Or blow me up.

"I know it is strange. I know it is hard to really get the whole picture. You don't have to. In fact, let's not worry about that right now, the wedding isn't tomorrow. Let's just talk. How do you like your job?"

And I am so disarmed. This is odd.

"I like it.... I mean, I like working here, answering the phones isn't so hot, but.... this is such a great gig, I can do it."

"Well if answering phones isn't your idea of a grand ole' time" as he smirks knowingly "then what do you have in mind?"

And it goes on that like for some time. Just chatting. I told him I like knitting, and that the guy next to me is pretty rude. He never acknowledges me when I talk to him. I remembered that the light in my company car was out, and he said he would get that taken care of. I told him I wanted a raise, he chuckled, and said no. And just because it crosses my mind I tell him how I feel about the pollution in the air I see on my way to work.

And then, for whatever reason, I want to go back downstairs.

"I'm glad you came up"

"Me too. See you later?"

"For sure."

The scout doesn't have much to say to me on the way down. Occasionally he sticks his tongue out at me, which isn't very professional I think. Sometimes I don't get back up there as much as I want to. One time a scout came out of the elevator screaming, "There's a fire!" so I went back to my desk later realizing that of course there was no fire. Liars. And what stupid lies, but it worked I guess. But I've been up a little bit more, and I bring the manual because most of the time that is our common ground and it is pretty confusing.

I'm still weirded out by the whole marriage thing, but I can deal with getting to know him. He is a pretty cool guy after all.