I think I have inherited self pity. I think I am racked by self pity. I am so in love with myself that when anything is below my very high expectations of how I think life should go, I am just so sad. Or mad.
Anyway, I really don't want to be writing, I want to be in the blue chair spending time with Jesus. However, I just hate sitting there feeling like this is one big cosmic joke that I am the butt of. "Hey, look at Beth try and "commune" with Jesus. Doesn't she know that all she will ever get is silence?" They say you can't really do it wrong, but if I'm not doing something wrong, then I guess Jesus doesn't want to meet with me? I don't know. Self pity. This whole time with Jesus thing doesn't look like I want it to so I am confused and angry and depressed and letting myself believe that God doesn't love me and doesn't want to spend time with me. I would really like my head not to be clouded for at least 15 min so I could figure out where it is I am supposed to be going. *sigh* self pity.
About Me
- Beth
- I am honest, can say practically anything because I have good delivery (but often am missing the wit to create things on the fly), I mess up euphemisms and still try to use them, I tend to mother people. I am, to my shame, very selfish, but working harder on changing that than I have ever worked on anything in my life. My #1 goal in life is to be friends with Jesus. My #2 goal is to be a good wife and mother. My #3 goal is to be joyful. I cherish my friends, and I have a really hard time with strangers, but can put on a good face when I try. I am warm, self deprecating, large, supportive, and it takes me a very long time to make a decision.
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