Anonymous Blogging

My best friend anonymously blogs, just like me (you are in my anonymous blog now), and it is driving me absolutely BaNaNa'S. I want to read what she is writing, but she won't take my bait (just as she shouldn't) to switch and read what the other is writing. Sad thing is, if I knew someone was reading this thing, I would write differently. That is the whole point of this exercise to is figure out how I really think about things, so that I can present an opinion I have kind of worked out for myself. I am not pleasing anyone with this thing, just myself. I only publish it because... well.. I dont really know why. I think it feels more risky, like I am really being myself. If I write and don't publish then it's like I could say I was pretending, or I can throw it away or delete it and just pretend it never was. Often times in a word document, I just never finish the thought, and then I quit with out saving. This wayI have to finish the thought and then I can't delete it unless I really do figure out I don't agree with what I've said. I hate even the thought of renigging on something I've said. Why do you take it back? You changed your mind? Were you lying before? With the exception of a life experience, which can always trumps former opinions, I just dont like "changing my mind". In fact I've already kind of done that in the midwife thing. I have all but decided that I am going to not get my masters, just go for the apprenticship. And I hate that! I had already told some people I was going to go back to school! THIS is why I am indecisive! Because I Hate changing my mind!

Anyway, if you are reading this Caroline dear, do me a favor and never tell me. I would have to start a new blog, and so far Im rather fond of this one.