Robert Pattinson

Here is a fellow I feel a lot of sympathy for, Robert Pattinson. Oh my goodness. Did I see Twilight? Yes (x2). Do I think he and the rest of the cast did a great job portraying these characters? In all honesty, I really do. Do I think he is one beautiful piece of handsomeness? You betcha I do. But my goodness. What is the deal?

I'm certainly not trying to insinuate that he isn't a fantastic person. I don't really know having never even seen him in person. But the screaming and following and obsession? I think the pain of all of that would be worse than the pain of ruining my career by saying, "Please stop. You've gone too far." Of course, that is just me, and actually, should I ever be put in that ridiculous position, I probably would never say that, but I would probably want to. Very badly. These girls are asking to be bitten, married, impregnated, and/or killed. Darlings, are you even thinking before you speak? What if he insists you live with your mother in law who hunts squirrels and force feeds them to you every night? Now do you want to marry him? And impregnated? Really? The child might be good looking, but you would also be a single mother. Yippy Skippy. Asking to be bitten, well, what can you do about that, he did play a vampire. And we should all run from anyone who asks us to kill them. Surely that was just an exception. Otherwise I'm very embarrassed to be a fan right now.

And I think that is my point. I am embarrassed to be a fan right now. The man isn't Edward. Edward only exists in 80 y/o's that have had time to perfect themselves, if they put their mind to the effort. But then, obviously, they are 80, so in order to be in love with them, you would have had to have fallen for the trick 60 years previous when they weren't Edward. So by my account, Rob hasn't a prayer of being like Edward, and you crazy fan who is offering your soul up to him, you would be fantastically lucky if he were even a Jacob. Again, I don't know Rob, but I'm just saying, Jacob's are hard to come by.

So can we let the poor man alone and save his ear drums. Let us thank him for a job well done. Let us thank him for letting us gaze upon his pretty face. Let us wish him well. Let us not ask if we can have his baby. He is not the answer to all of your problems and you are not the answer to his.

Now I feel bad, like I might have been too harsh. But I really do feel bad for this guy. I know its part of the job, the admiration of the fans and all. But aren't we just supposed to be fans, not lunatics?

I'm just sayin'....