I've been a part of 3 pregnancies this year. Also, all 3 pregnancies have involved the 3 women I spend the most time with. How bout that? And, if you've forgotten, Im pregnant too, and highly anticipating my own birth. There is somethin' in the water.
2 of those births have been c-sections, and it was kind of weighing on me. I was starting to wonder if anyone I knew would have a vaginal birth, or if I would be the only odd duck doing things the way nature intended. That is to say, not that these ladies wanted c-sections, they didn't, and they had them for good reasons, but still, do you get what I'm trying to say here?
Anyway, Im so happy she had a good delivery. Apparently it took them a little longer than desired to get her epidural going, which is less than awesome. All things considered though, I am so glad she didn't have a c-section. AND she barely tore. Apparently they just hooked her up with one stitch, which is awesome. I'm just thrilled. Sometimes they just set women up for c-sections, and she easily could have been on of those women. I am just so happy she wasn't!
Because I just can't help by make things about me, I'm gonna have to say it. I CANT WAIT TO HAVE MY BABY!!! I don't know what the hell I am going to do with 2 children, but I guess millions of people have figured it out before me and will continue doing so after me so I should have a fair shot at this. :-) I am just so excited. If I have Sophie at the same point in pregnancy as I had Matthew, I would only have 2 weeks to go! THATS IT! But hopefully she will hold out just a wee bit longer. I wouldn't even mind if she went all the way to 40 weeks (famous last words). We shall see. There is just no way to know these things. We will check my cervix at my next appointment, so that will give us an idea, but not much else. I was a 2 at 36weeks with Matthew and had him a few days later. I know I could walk around at a 2 for weeks, but it is just an indicator. We'll see. Either way, I have majorly geared up the getting ready for baby process. I finished up her blanket this weekend, which was the last craft project to do. All I need to do now is finish up a little bit of shopping and hang up one more thing on the wall. However, that can get done at anytime. Even the shopping isn't totally imperative. It's mostly small stuff that could wait until later.
All that to say, I am ready, and I am excited. I want her fully cooked, for sure, but MAN I can't wait until I get to hold her! In the mean time, I sure am enjoying my last few weeks with Matthew all alone. He seems to know there is a big change on the horizon. He has become much more cuddly and sweet, which isn't his nature. He is more the Whirling Dervish type. A sweet Whirling Dervish, but whirling all the same. Stopping long enough to be held is uncommon for him.
Also, I have quite the list of things to wrap up at the office before I am done here. Since I won't be returning, I really need to make sure all the loose ends are tied up! So that is what I am going to start working on RIGHT NOW! Have a good Monday! I know I sure am!
Monday, October 12, 2009
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Whoo-wee, Im Whooped
A friend came over today and helped me clean my house top to bottom! I feel so good! I feel so sore! My back and feet are screaming "Mercy!" and I really want a diet 7-up right now. Don't ask, I can't tell you.
Wait, yes I can. I had my glucose tolerance test done the other day, er, week. I didn't fail it, but the midwife said I had to pretend like I did anyway. Her thought was that even though I didn't pass, I only barely didn't fail. This means my pancreas still has to work a little too hard. She thought it would be a good idea to give the ole pancreas a rest and put me on a restricted diet. My calories aren't restricted, but what I can eat is. Severely. No carbs, well, no food billed as a carb. No sugar. No peas or corn. One low sugar fruit a day. So basically no fruit. It's been meat, cheese, veggies, and nuts around here lately. Lots and lots of nuts.
I have strayed into the land of sugar free items, but not too heavily. I enjoy some sugar free pudding from time to time, but otherwise, it is pretty dull. And actually, that is the problem, it is pretty rich. What I would give for a plain ole piece of bread, or a buttered potato. But nope, its some kind of cheesy, meaty thing. Or it is plain ole veggies, but you might as well put air in my stomach for all the lasting satisfaction they give me. Harumpf. It's not that bad and I have lost weight, which is saying something since I am in my third trimester of pregnancy. I'm not trying to lose weight, but let me tell you how not tempted I am to over eat now. I barely get enough food in my belly to call it a meal before I say, "Um, no thanks, I'm squicked out now."
Anyway, it's a blessing really. I was eating NOTHING but carbs and sugar before the switch, which I'm sure contributes to the difficulty of the situation. So this is like a very much needed slap in the behind. I'm just really hoping I can keep it up after the bella bambina gets here.
Wait, yes I can. I had my glucose tolerance test done the other day, er, week. I didn't fail it, but the midwife said I had to pretend like I did anyway. Her thought was that even though I didn't pass, I only barely didn't fail. This means my pancreas still has to work a little too hard. She thought it would be a good idea to give the ole pancreas a rest and put me on a restricted diet. My calories aren't restricted, but what I can eat is. Severely. No carbs, well, no food billed as a carb. No sugar. No peas or corn. One low sugar fruit a day. So basically no fruit. It's been meat, cheese, veggies, and nuts around here lately. Lots and lots of nuts.
I have strayed into the land of sugar free items, but not too heavily. I enjoy some sugar free pudding from time to time, but otherwise, it is pretty dull. And actually, that is the problem, it is pretty rich. What I would give for a plain ole piece of bread, or a buttered potato. But nope, its some kind of cheesy, meaty thing. Or it is plain ole veggies, but you might as well put air in my stomach for all the lasting satisfaction they give me. Harumpf. It's not that bad and I have lost weight, which is saying something since I am in my third trimester of pregnancy. I'm not trying to lose weight, but let me tell you how not tempted I am to over eat now. I barely get enough food in my belly to call it a meal before I say, "Um, no thanks, I'm squicked out now."
Anyway, it's a blessing really. I was eating NOTHING but carbs and sugar before the switch, which I'm sure contributes to the difficulty of the situation. So this is like a very much needed slap in the behind. I'm just really hoping I can keep it up after the bella bambina gets here.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Quick Thoughts
making ribs for the first time tonight, kinda nervous.
Matthew is the best son ever. Yes, he is better than yours. Sorry bout that.
Jesus loves me this I know, for the bible told me so. and so did the Holy Spirit. He tells me everyday, actually. Its awesome. You should ask him (he is with you now) and see what he says. I'll put $1,000,000 on "I love you, (insert your name here)".
Uh. I have to make other things for dinner, not just ribs, and I am kinda stuck... mashed taters? greens? We sure love our greens around here.
There is a baby in my belly and I am officially excited to see her come out! I've been nervous up til now, but now, I'm just plain ole ready.
I love my husband, and I am really enjoying the "up" our marriage is having right now. I love you "up"! Hopefully when we hit the next down, I'll remember that this too shall pass. Let's hope.
Hope! I've been doing that a lot lately. Learning how to hope again.
I am so mad at my dog. She got out of our yard, took her one last puppy with her, and then left him! Our one last puppy is gone. As a pregnant woman and mother, I'm livid. That puppy could be dead by now, but I will HOPE someone stopped to pick him up. He was the essence of cute, so I think that probably happened. I'm not putting up posters because I was already trying to find a home for him anyway, and if someone has him that can return him, I don't really want them to. I want them to keep him. It would give me better peace of mind, but I think I will still leave it be.
I have GOT to finish the laundry tonight, and by golly, I think I will. I really want to sweep the kitchen and vacuum the floors, too. I'm feeling rather ambitious considering I have 2 1/4 hours left til bed time to do those things, finish and eat dinner, and get my child to bed, all with a belly full of baby.
Matthew is the best son ever. Yes, he is better than yours. Sorry bout that.
Jesus loves me this I know, for the bible told me so. and so did the Holy Spirit. He tells me everyday, actually. Its awesome. You should ask him (he is with you now) and see what he says. I'll put $1,000,000 on "I love you, (insert your name here)".
Uh. I have to make other things for dinner, not just ribs, and I am kinda stuck... mashed taters? greens? We sure love our greens around here.
There is a baby in my belly and I am officially excited to see her come out! I've been nervous up til now, but now, I'm just plain ole ready.
I love my husband, and I am really enjoying the "up" our marriage is having right now. I love you "up"! Hopefully when we hit the next down, I'll remember that this too shall pass. Let's hope.
Hope! I've been doing that a lot lately. Learning how to hope again.
I am so mad at my dog. She got out of our yard, took her one last puppy with her, and then left him! Our one last puppy is gone. As a pregnant woman and mother, I'm livid. That puppy could be dead by now, but I will HOPE someone stopped to pick him up. He was the essence of cute, so I think that probably happened. I'm not putting up posters because I was already trying to find a home for him anyway, and if someone has him that can return him, I don't really want them to. I want them to keep him. It would give me better peace of mind, but I think I will still leave it be.
I have GOT to finish the laundry tonight, and by golly, I think I will. I really want to sweep the kitchen and vacuum the floors, too. I'm feeling rather ambitious considering I have 2 1/4 hours left til bed time to do those things, finish and eat dinner, and get my child to bed, all with a belly full of baby.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Puppies!
Hey! My dog had her puppies! It was SUCH a COOL experience!
I did eventually start researching about whelping puppies. The gist? Let mom take care of it and if it looks abnormal, go to a vet. Okay.... Anyway, I was really glad for my experience helping out my midwife. That made a lot of difference. My dog did a really good job. She took care of most everything. I was mostly there for labor support. When she would be to the point of passing a puppies, she would hide her big head in my armpit and move her bottom around until a puppy came out. She then went to work. After she got through the amniotic sac, I would start working on getting the puppy to breathe while she worked on the umbilical cord. We could then together take care of the mess. She ate most of it (kind of gross and also really convenient), but I was in charge of the chux pads. I got really good at aiming where I thought the puppy would ultimately come out.
She is being a great mother! She had 8 pups, 6 girls and 2 boys. They are all fat and happy. My "runt" is doing really well. I heard that sometimes a mom will kick a puppy or two out of the litter and refuse to let them nurse. A lot of times that can be your runt. I'm not concerned with her being the same size as the rest of the litter. I just want to make sure she is growing, and she is. It has been just over 2 weeks now. Their eyes are open, and I saw yesterday that their ears were starting to open. Soon they will have teeth and Mama might kick them off the boob, so the real work will begin. They are definitely getting messier and messier. In the last couple of days they have started to poop and pee on their own. Mom still cleans it up, but it's already been on the floor by that time where as she used to get it all up by licking them. Messy. Soon we will be adding puppy food to the mess! Yay! I'm starting the daily cleaning routine. I change the blanket they are using, mop the floor, and then feed and water Mom. Soon Ill be adding food and water for babies. Then Ill be adding outside time for everyone. Then Ill be adding some kind of elementery potty training. Yay! It's about to get CRAZY at my house! It will be puppies all the time!
I just really hope the people that said they wanted one still want one when it comes time to let them go home. They better! OR ELSE!
But oh my goodness, can I tell you how good it feels to snuggle with these little guys? I have to wear a t-shirt otherwise they claw my chest to bits, but they are so soft and sweet. Some are sweeter than others already, some are way more interested in trying to play bite. All are interested in having their little bellies scratched. It is fun to see their little personalities starting to emerge. It would probably be similar to a 2 month old human baby that can smile and kind of laugh.
Anyway, its cuteness to the max and it is about to become craziness to the max!
I did eventually start researching about whelping puppies. The gist? Let mom take care of it and if it looks abnormal, go to a vet. Okay.... Anyway, I was really glad for my experience helping out my midwife. That made a lot of difference. My dog did a really good job. She took care of most everything. I was mostly there for labor support. When she would be to the point of passing a puppies, she would hide her big head in my armpit and move her bottom around until a puppy came out. She then went to work. After she got through the amniotic sac, I would start working on getting the puppy to breathe while she worked on the umbilical cord. We could then together take care of the mess. She ate most of it (kind of gross and also really convenient), but I was in charge of the chux pads. I got really good at aiming where I thought the puppy would ultimately come out.
She is being a great mother! She had 8 pups, 6 girls and 2 boys. They are all fat and happy. My "runt" is doing really well. I heard that sometimes a mom will kick a puppy or two out of the litter and refuse to let them nurse. A lot of times that can be your runt. I'm not concerned with her being the same size as the rest of the litter. I just want to make sure she is growing, and she is. It has been just over 2 weeks now. Their eyes are open, and I saw yesterday that their ears were starting to open. Soon they will have teeth and Mama might kick them off the boob, so the real work will begin. They are definitely getting messier and messier. In the last couple of days they have started to poop and pee on their own. Mom still cleans it up, but it's already been on the floor by that time where as she used to get it all up by licking them. Messy. Soon we will be adding puppy food to the mess! Yay! I'm starting the daily cleaning routine. I change the blanket they are using, mop the floor, and then feed and water Mom. Soon Ill be adding food and water for babies. Then Ill be adding outside time for everyone. Then Ill be adding some kind of elementery potty training. Yay! It's about to get CRAZY at my house! It will be puppies all the time!
I just really hope the people that said they wanted one still want one when it comes time to let them go home. They better! OR ELSE!
But oh my goodness, can I tell you how good it feels to snuggle with these little guys? I have to wear a t-shirt otherwise they claw my chest to bits, but they are so soft and sweet. Some are sweeter than others already, some are way more interested in trying to play bite. All are interested in having their little bellies scratched. It is fun to see their little personalities starting to emerge. It would probably be similar to a 2 month old human baby that can smile and kind of laugh.
Anyway, its cuteness to the max and it is about to become craziness to the max!
One Lucky Beotch
My schedule right now is awesome!
I can't really tell anyone that because then I get the glare of doom. I wish everyone could work a schedule that is as awesome for them as mine is for me. Here's the scoop. I work all day Monday, all day Wednesday, and Friday morning. Here is a better way of looking at it.
Sun - off
Mon- on
Tues - off
Wed - on
Thurs - off
Fri - 1/2 on
Sat - off
So basically, my week is made of up Fridays and Saturdays. Except for Sunday. Sunday will always be Sunday. No one messes with Sunday, do they? Isn't that schedule awesome?! Even Monday, the dreaded Monday, is really like Friday because I have the next day off! I'm still getting used to it, and it will be over soon, when I deliver my lil' punkin. Still, it's awesome. I get so much more done now. Except today I will be napping, because despite my best efforts I have missed out on several hours of sleep this week. It's not a lot for a normal person, but it's turning this preggo into the walking dead.
However, this only serves to prove my point that I am one lucky beotch. Who gets to go home early on Friday and take a nap? No one. Who wants to? Everyone.
I can't really tell anyone that because then I get the glare of doom. I wish everyone could work a schedule that is as awesome for them as mine is for me. Here's the scoop. I work all day Monday, all day Wednesday, and Friday morning. Here is a better way of looking at it.
Sun - off
Mon- on
Tues - off
Wed - on
Thurs - off
Fri - 1/2 on
Sat - off
So basically, my week is made of up Fridays and Saturdays. Except for Sunday. Sunday will always be Sunday. No one messes with Sunday, do they? Isn't that schedule awesome?! Even Monday, the dreaded Monday, is really like Friday because I have the next day off! I'm still getting used to it, and it will be over soon, when I deliver my lil' punkin. Still, it's awesome. I get so much more done now. Except today I will be napping, because despite my best efforts I have missed out on several hours of sleep this week. It's not a lot for a normal person, but it's turning this preggo into the walking dead.
However, this only serves to prove my point that I am one lucky beotch. Who gets to go home early on Friday and take a nap? No one. Who wants to? Everyone.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Ya Know, Stuff
I feel good.
I straightened my hair the other day and it looked GOOD. And it was easy, and very repeatable.
I am really liking Gateway as a church. I mean really really. Can I tell you how I long for a South Campus of some sort? Jesus? Can we work on that?
Oh, and the reason I am liking Gateway, well, it takes more than I want to put in right now, but lets just say that Jesus is awesome. Not in that, "Im a preteen and I say this to fit in!" way, but in that "Oh my GOD life is really hard and I am so bad at life, but hey, there is Jesus and he really loves me, I mean a lot" way. I know when you say, "Jesus died for you", it's like an in one ear and out the other phrase. Think of when you are trying to tell someone about how much you love your kids, even if they are a parent themselves, you just know they aren't getting it, "No, you don't understand, I LOVE him!". It's like that. Jesus is AWESOME. Lets just all assume none of us are really understanding just how awesome Jesus is.
I really love my nephew. He is so beautiful. I can't wait to see what kind of person he becomes.
Itunes is a RAM sucker. It's frickin 10 pm, finish up so I can go to bed!
My son. I love saying that, "my son". Ive noticed that everyone just assumes new mothers want a girl. Even now that Im getting a girl, I kinda miss the fact that I won't have another boy around the house. I love love boys. And girls scare me. Please Jesus, let this be a cool girl. Or rather, let me be a good mom for whatever type of girl you give me.
My dog is about to give birth to puppies any day now. Seriously. I am so excited and nervous.
Like I said, I feel good.
Oh, and we have a first name for the girl. Sophia. But that is subject to change.
I straightened my hair the other day and it looked GOOD. And it was easy, and very repeatable.
I am really liking Gateway as a church. I mean really really. Can I tell you how I long for a South Campus of some sort? Jesus? Can we work on that?
Oh, and the reason I am liking Gateway, well, it takes more than I want to put in right now, but lets just say that Jesus is awesome. Not in that, "Im a preteen and I say this to fit in!" way, but in that "Oh my GOD life is really hard and I am so bad at life, but hey, there is Jesus and he really loves me, I mean a lot" way. I know when you say, "Jesus died for you", it's like an in one ear and out the other phrase. Think of when you are trying to tell someone about how much you love your kids, even if they are a parent themselves, you just know they aren't getting it, "No, you don't understand, I LOVE him!". It's like that. Jesus is AWESOME. Lets just all assume none of us are really understanding just how awesome Jesus is.
I really love my nephew. He is so beautiful. I can't wait to see what kind of person he becomes.
Itunes is a RAM sucker. It's frickin 10 pm, finish up so I can go to bed!
My son. I love saying that, "my son". Ive noticed that everyone just assumes new mothers want a girl. Even now that Im getting a girl, I kinda miss the fact that I won't have another boy around the house. I love love boys. And girls scare me. Please Jesus, let this be a cool girl. Or rather, let me be a good mom for whatever type of girl you give me.
My dog is about to give birth to puppies any day now. Seriously. I am so excited and nervous.
Like I said, I feel good.
Oh, and we have a first name for the girl. Sophia. But that is subject to change.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Mixed Bag
Today, I'm a mixed bag. This weekend was less than easy. It wasn't hard in the sense that I will remember it forever as being a hard weekend. It was just... way less than easy. I'm trying to work really hard to get ready for the impending change coming up. We are about to have a new litter of puppies (which I REALLY need to research), and I am about to have my own child a couple months after those puppies are taken care of. Warren is most likely going to let me stay home, which means that all of our disposable income is about to be sucked away. I desperately want to stay home with my kids for some time (a year?), but as far as I can tell, Warren desperately wants disposable income. I know all the women out there are thinking, "Well, being a mother comes before money, so your need is more valid". Maybe they aren't, but it's what the selfish part of me thinks. However, Warren's need to make sure his family is provided for is pretty significant. I grew up without a present mom, so it is what I want to provide. He grew up without stuff and was teased mercilessly about it, so it is what he wants to provide. Lord, please please please figure this out. Help me or Warren get over not getting what we want for a time, or better yet, is there a way we can both have what we want?
In my attempt to bribe Warren into letting me stay home, I have agreed to get a flat screen TV. We really don't have the money for this. I mean, we kinda do, if you are of the average American mindset, they we have PLENTY of money for a new TV and all the new expenses we are about to incur with a new baby. But if you are of a more responsible mindset than the average American, you know, this is less than responsible. I think there is a little war between my shoulder angel and demon, neither one really good or bad, just on opposite sides.
I really wish my dad would help out. I really wish my boss would lay me off instead of having to quit so I could draw unemployment. I really wish Warren would get promoted to Co-Manager, so money wouldn't be an issue. I really wish I were getting ALL of the things I want for this baby (clothes, cloth diapers, wrap).
Really, when it comes down to it, I really only want those things. I have everything else and the rest is just stuff. I need clothes, but cloth diapers and this particular wrap are really extra, though I really want them. I bet I could even find a swing from someone who wasn't using theirs anymore. But I don't have to have the swing. So really, not much to get in that area. Oh, and I could really use a pack and play, but that is cheap on craigslist.
I am so nervous about my dog having puppies. I have no freaking clue what to do or look for, and unfortunately, as Ive already bitched about, I don't have money to really take care of her if something goes wrong. I know, I know, but what about the TV you say? Well, I don't really have the cash for that in the first place, do I? I am not an animal hater, but neither do I give them human status, or equal as human status. I think I have a responsibility to this dog, as her owner, but I'm really not going to go much out of my way to shelter her from what nature wouldn't. If I had lots of disposable income, then I would spend it on her, but I don't. So I am trying to do the best by her without putting my family in a bad financial situation. Basically, I'm not draining savings for a dog, and I'm not going in debt for a dog. Isn't it funny how we worry about dogs not having homes, which really is only a problem because we refuse to let them hang out in nature? "I really love you puppy and everyone should love you as much as I do, but what I will not tolerate is HAVING LOOSE DOGS ON THE STREET! AGGHHH!!!" *rolling the eyes* If lose dogs on the street are so dangerous (and they really can be) then why do we take them into our homes? My random thoughts on pet ownership and how it is just a pet, not a person.
ANYWAY, I'm super excited to have some puppies and a baby girl (whom I don't know what to name), and I am kinda nervous. Having watched God provide for Shay should make me ashamed to be so nervous. How about this? I'll be a littler nervous, but I'll continue to believe that God will figure out something? In the meantime, maybe I'll figure out that he always provides.
I'm not really afraid that God wont provide, I'm afraid that my husband is going to get scared and then yank away my last chance to do the only thing I've ever wanted to do, and that is be a stay at home mom. I hate having it so close and then feeling like I'm not going to get it. And I hate that Warren is going to treat me bad and probably have a bad attitude the entire time. And I hate that I am going to have to take it, and that instead of growing up and being gracious, he is going to be a jerk. I guess what I'm saying is that I'm going to have to be the bigger man, like he has been so many times, and I'm afraid I'm going to fail, because I SUCK at being the bigger man.
In my attempt to bribe Warren into letting me stay home, I have agreed to get a flat screen TV. We really don't have the money for this. I mean, we kinda do, if you are of the average American mindset, they we have PLENTY of money for a new TV and all the new expenses we are about to incur with a new baby. But if you are of a more responsible mindset than the average American, you know, this is less than responsible. I think there is a little war between my shoulder angel and demon, neither one really good or bad, just on opposite sides.
I really wish my dad would help out. I really wish my boss would lay me off instead of having to quit so I could draw unemployment. I really wish Warren would get promoted to Co-Manager, so money wouldn't be an issue. I really wish I were getting ALL of the things I want for this baby (clothes, cloth diapers, wrap).
Really, when it comes down to it, I really only want those things. I have everything else and the rest is just stuff. I need clothes, but cloth diapers and this particular wrap are really extra, though I really want them. I bet I could even find a swing from someone who wasn't using theirs anymore. But I don't have to have the swing. So really, not much to get in that area. Oh, and I could really use a pack and play, but that is cheap on craigslist.
I am so nervous about my dog having puppies. I have no freaking clue what to do or look for, and unfortunately, as Ive already bitched about, I don't have money to really take care of her if something goes wrong. I know, I know, but what about the TV you say? Well, I don't really have the cash for that in the first place, do I? I am not an animal hater, but neither do I give them human status, or equal as human status. I think I have a responsibility to this dog, as her owner, but I'm really not going to go much out of my way to shelter her from what nature wouldn't. If I had lots of disposable income, then I would spend it on her, but I don't. So I am trying to do the best by her without putting my family in a bad financial situation. Basically, I'm not draining savings for a dog, and I'm not going in debt for a dog. Isn't it funny how we worry about dogs not having homes, which really is only a problem because we refuse to let them hang out in nature? "I really love you puppy and everyone should love you as much as I do, but what I will not tolerate is HAVING LOOSE DOGS ON THE STREET! AGGHHH!!!" *rolling the eyes* If lose dogs on the street are so dangerous (and they really can be) then why do we take them into our homes? My random thoughts on pet ownership and how it is just a pet, not a person.
ANYWAY, I'm super excited to have some puppies and a baby girl (whom I don't know what to name), and I am kinda nervous. Having watched God provide for Shay should make me ashamed to be so nervous. How about this? I'll be a littler nervous, but I'll continue to believe that God will figure out something? In the meantime, maybe I'll figure out that he always provides.
I'm not really afraid that God wont provide, I'm afraid that my husband is going to get scared and then yank away my last chance to do the only thing I've ever wanted to do, and that is be a stay at home mom. I hate having it so close and then feeling like I'm not going to get it. And I hate that Warren is going to treat me bad and probably have a bad attitude the entire time. And I hate that I am going to have to take it, and that instead of growing up and being gracious, he is going to be a jerk. I guess what I'm saying is that I'm going to have to be the bigger man, like he has been so many times, and I'm afraid I'm going to fail, because I SUCK at being the bigger man.
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